Obey Your
How do you get your children to obey and listen to you?
My husband and i have a hard time getting our older children to listen, they take their time about doing things, they bring home bad grades, they don’t do there chores right, and they always want to ask for something, We have taken everything from them to where they dont have anything, We talk to them on a daily basis, and it just doesn’t seem like anything is working, they have been punished so much they are used to not watching movies, talking on the phone or playing video games. the ages are 14, 12, 10 and this has been going on for years and we have tried everything and still nothing has changed, Can someone please help us out?We would appreciate some ideas that other people have tried and work. Thanks!
I am a mother of five and have also had over thirty foster children over the course of a five year span (mostly teen foster children from rough backgrounds).
My strategy is to reverse the discipline. Change the rules. Instead of taking away…they have to earn. What I mean by this is positive discipline. I set up a point system with a dry erase board in the kitchen.
Well let me back up…first, we had a family meeting. We discussed rights, responsiblities, and privledges. This went onto a contract signed by all. Rights were things like a safe home, bed, clothing, food, unconditional love, etc. Responsibilities was a list we all built (kids came up with some better than I could) but I made sure the stuff important to me was on there (homework, clean room, daily chores, whatever). Next was priviledges (let your kids go on this one…they’ll give you a big list, longer than your own and it shows you what’s really important to them)…things like TV, radio, telephone privledges, video games, whatever.
Now you set up points for the responsiblities and privledges. (Rights they get without any work to be done.) Each child has a monthly goal. (Gotta customize this one for your family.) But for example…they must earn Xnumber of points in a day to enjoy whatever the privledge. So for example is phone is worth 9 points, they gotta do 9 points worth of responsibility. Once achieved, they don’t need to as your permission to use the phone (but you should have predetermined hours/length of calls for that privledge). Or say 3 for radio. Whatever. The daily points start over each day, but count toward “monthly” totals. There are two gems here for the kids (in my house). First, the kid with the highest MONTHLY total gets front seat privledges when we go somewhere….which comes with radio priveledge (so long as not vulgar or indecent songs). Second, at the end of the month, all children having acheived their goal get a reward! Keep it simple and small. For my girls, having their nails done was a good one, or maybe a movie night, or trip to Mc Donald’s for ice cream and play for the little ones. Point is…stuff you’d do with your kids anyway, but now they’ve earned it! One time missing the monthly goal and being left behind, and that kid will work his butt off!
Anyway…they start each day with nothing. If they want to keep it that way, they can choose to do nothing and they won’t be in trouble. But it won’t be much fun. BUT…YOU did not take anything away…they simply did not EARN it. That was THEIR choice.
It works great…have passed it on to many parents. Especially your age group and having more than one or two for competition makes it perfect.
Only trouble…once you start you gotta keep it up. And you gotta stay on top of CATCHING THEM DOING GOOD. Which, let me tell you, is much more rewarding for all then always nagging and complaining.
I spent much of my day with a dry erase marker in hand. But believe me, life was much more pleasant and peaceful. The kids rushed to do chorse, and sometimes even fought over who got to do them. The’d even come home from school mad at me for having folded laundry or something cuz that’s points I’m “stealing” from them! LOL
Once my husband said…you’re giving points for “that” (whatever it was)…some bonus thing (oh yeah…when you really need something done…you stay, hey, 3 or 5 or 10 bonus points to the kid who cleans out the fridge, or whatever. Anyway…I wanted some simple thing, no big deal and gave a point away. My husband was saying it’s not worth a point…I said hey, no big deal…I got done what I wanted and what did it cost me? A mark on a dry earase board? LOL
One more thing…BIG RULE HERE…only mom (or dad) can change the point board…and the kids are responsible for telling you they’ve earned and you either trust them or get off your butt and go check to see if they really did do homework, or clean the bathroom (to YOUR satisfaction). BEFORE giving the point.
One other thing. We had a list of what needed to be done (say to clean the bathroom or kitchen) printed on laminated cards with corresponding point values. So if a child chose a core, they KNEW exactly what was expected (clean out the microwave, move EVERYTHING on the counter and wash the counter, put it all back, do dishes, sweep, whatever…).
Good luck! And don’t forget to find them doing good without them telling you first. Watch for opportunities to give points. It will really change the whole atmosphere in the house to a positive one!
Obey Your
Simple Obedience: Obey God Wherever you are
Before Christ ascended He told His stragglers that they would be His witnesses in Jerusalem, and then Judea (Acts 1:8). And that’s just what happened, though they in no way planned ahead for this. The earliest church was scattered by uncontrollable circumstances, so that they were turned into an outreaching church whether they wanted to or not.
In return for their persistent obedience to God’s Spirit, the early church received severe persecution, which was the driving force of their scattering. It should be striking to us that God blessed their obedience with unheard-of hardship. However, in this way they obtained greater opportunity to obey and fellowship with Christ than they would have ever planned on their own.
As water runs down to the next lowest place, so obedience and the direction of our faith-walks should be similarly uncomplicated for us. We should obey the Lord wherever we are, however the free-flowing gravity of the Holy Spirit compels us.
Because I am American the most obvious thing for me to do is to seek the kingdom of heaven in the U.S. first by fervent prayer and fellowship and then also by books, talking with people, web sites, flyers and every available means, not because Americans are the greatest or because they deserve more attention than other cultures, but because I must be a good steward wherever God places me.
Who is more qualified to preach to any people than one who is a native to that people? If I am a wise fisherman, then I will use the best kind of bait for the particular fish that inhabit the waters before me.
I’m not saying that going elsewhere is a bad idea, I’m only proposing that we start with the basics. I have grown up in this country, I speak American English, and I am intimately acquainted with the concerns and worries that weigh down on the average American. As of right now, I am best equipped to communicate with Americans.
Would you dare apply such a straightforward outlook to yourself, if you are an ambitious church expert? Try stepping on the first step (the one right in front of you) and see if your legs carry you to the second step before you spend too much time imagining the greatness of treading on the twentieth step. If you are anything like me, then you are afraid to let go of your intricate plans for worldwide gospel success. If any prospective missionaries are at all like me, then they fancy themselves being spiritually successful just as soon as they can get away to a completely different, far-off place. Many expect that the spiritual rules will change in a far-off country where no one knows them intimately. But here, where people know us, we have hardly a shred of spiritual fruit for all our efforts.
On a related note, western missionalogical experts are starting to acknowledge that the best-qualified people to speak to far off peoples might not be headstrong westerners after all. Thanks to a survey taken by the American Missionalogical Foundation for Missionalogical Worldwide Gospelization, (and also thanks to common sense) it is now obvious that a transformed soul from each, respective people-group is best qualified to speak to their own people.
This is more of a general principle than it is an unyielding law. The general idea is that natives of a far-off nation will be more likely to trust a cultural neighbor who started off in much the same circumstances. A person will identify better with someone from their own country than with a foreigner who looks, acts, talks and thinks like a foreigner.
If we take this others-empowering missions strategy to its conclusion, then we Americans are left with the task of being faithful with our own home-base. In other words, if you are telling a resident of some tyrannical country that he should risk his neck preaching Christ to his countrymen, then make sure you are preaching the same gospel the same way in your own hometown… especially if you have freedom of speech, assembly and religion. If you are telling people in some distant land that they should be house-church-planters, then make sure you are planting house churches yourself amongst your own peoples. Be careful, O church expert, that you are not preaching a God who changes according to political boundaries and cultural norms. Your actions within your hometown are preaching a more powerful message than all the nice-sounding missions strategies in the world.
by Patrick Roberts. Find his book and additional resources at www.BooksByPatrick.com
About the Author
Patrick is an average Christ-seeker. His goal is to turn people to Jesus Christ. www.BooksByPatrick.com
How to get your kids to obey THE FIRST TIME?
I’m so tired of having to tell my kids the same thing 4 times before they do it. I’m so annoyed, I start yelling after the 3rd, 4th time. How do I get my kids to do what I say the first time? They are ages 6 and 7 years old.
I have found a program offered by a professional called 1 2 3 Magic. It is available at most libraries. Basically what it offers is a tested method for managing your children. It is done without nagging or pleading or actually saying anything at all. Kids get a time out or consequence if they do not listen by the time you get to three. It works very well if you, the parent, learn it and use it. It is a very wise method because any amount of conflict or bargaining just opens the door for more problems. Who is in control if the kids have you yelling, pleading or showing a lot of emotion? They have you in their pocket then. I remember having one parent who yelled and fussed all of the time and I realized as a youngster that I had learned to tune it all out. The other parent said what they meant and meant what they said, and I sat up and listened when I heard their voice. They also had a bit of a sense of fun and playfulness too, which helped.
Simple Simon – Obey Your Mother & Father
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